Autobiographies of the Pretty Committee
by theycallmemichelle
Summary: This fiveshot idea is not mine, it is HPquenette's, but she gave me permission to write this. These are funny autobiographies of each PC girl with commentary by a friend! Please R&R.
1. Massie M Block

The Autobiography of Massie M The Autobiography of Massie M. Block

_(with commentary by Claire Lyons)_

February 14th, 1995. Room 9 in the Birth & Labor Center of the St. Judith general hospital. A sweaty and exhausted Kendra Block makes a very large effort into bringing her one and only daughter into the world.

_Meanwhile, William Block faints at the sight of it. The baby must have been really ugly._

Kuh-laire! What are _you_ doing in _my_ autobiography?

_Uh…I'm _in_ it, remember? Claire Lyons, best friend #5?_

Ugh, whatever. Just shut up.

_Fat chance._

Anyway…no, the baby was actually quite beautiful, but nawt as pretty as the alpha she would become. Massie Michelle Block was named after Kendra's godmother's godmother Massie, and William's sisters' god sister's aunt, Michelle. However, there would only be one Massie M. Block: Me.

_Actually, if you Google it, you get almost 65,000 hits. If you search Massie M. Block you get 37,700 hits, if you search Massie Block you get 99,600 hits, and if you search Massie you get 2,560,000 hits. Massie M. Block isn't so unique, Mass._

Shut up! Anyway. I was a very talented and good-looking individual. At age two I learned how to sing Twinkle, Twinkle, and at age three I could count to 100. At age four—

_You began to drink coffee._

No…? I don't even drink coffee now, at age four_teen_! How could I—

_Then what's this little note card about beans? You must mean java beans, right? You hate refried, black, lima, and baked so obviously you must mean java. Am I clever or what?_

Bean. As in _Bean_!

_Yeah. _Java_ beans._

No! Bean as in my black pug that you're _ah_-nnoying little brother Todd always physically traw-mah-tizes! Besides, I didn't get Bean until I was in fourth_ grade_, nawt when I was _four_!

_Ohhh…that Bean. My thumb was covering the 'th grade' part. Woops. _

Yes, Kuh-laire. You can't see it, audience, but I'm rolling my eyes right now.

_Ah, yes. You're "perfectly rounded spheres of glistening amber that bear into mine and simply melt my heart"._

What?! Where did you hear that?!

_It's in this note card, marked "Derrick Quotes"._

Give me those note cards! Be quiet and listen to the autobiography!

_Without me, your audience would have been asleep by Twinkle, Twinkle._

That's nawt true! Nobody falls asleep when Massie Block is in the room!

_silence_

…Claire?

_more silence_

Kuh-_laaaaaire_?…

_the silence is deafening_

Oooo-kay, then. She must've left. At age four, I did not start drinking coffee. Rather, I began the academic suh-noozer that is school. I went to Westchester Preschool, with all the other EW's that wouldn't be able to afford Briarwood or OCD when the time came. We'll call them PUL: Poor Unfortunate Losers. Now, school was really all about studying for me when I entered Westchester Elementary with a few of the PUL's. Everyone was sort of my equal, but none of them—LBR's, EW's, and PUL's alike—were worthy of my friendship. I wasn't alpha yet, but everyone—faculty and students alike—knew I was special and had the potential to succeed. It was only until—

_Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__ZZ__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__…_

Uh…Kuh-laire? Gawd, you are so—ugh! Anyways: It was only until 3rd grade that I became an alpha…because it was when I met my best friends—

_wakes up_ _What? Oh, yeah—ME!!_

No, nawt you, Claire! I met you in _sev-uhn_th grade, nawt third!

_Oh yeah. Well…Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z__Z…_

Okay, then. When I first locked eyes with Alicia—

_Chesty._

Dylan—

_Gassy._

And Kristen—

_Sporty._

I knew we would be BFFs—and we were! Instantly, we formed the Pretty Committee. We were the first GLU Council. We quickly became the hawtest thing in Westchester District since Louis Vuitton! No one could add up to our popularity. No. One.

_Except me._

Gah—fine! Fast-forward to seventh grade, puh-lease!

_Thank you._

The beginning of seventh grade marked the entrance of new student and Westchester resident: Kuh-laire Ly-uhns.

_Hi!!_

Yeah…supposedly Claire's dad was my dad's college BFF. Of course, our moms became BFF at first sight. For Bean and Todd, it was hate at first sight. Same with me and Claire. We couldn't stand each other.

_That's why you love me._

ANYWAY—of course, the PC hated her, too. They had to. Kristen had taken some sort of liking to Claire when they first met, but it soon evaporated. Haha, Claire, remember when Alicia painted a big red spot on your pants in Art Class? Hahaha…

_Yeah. Nawt funny._

clears throat Sorry. We put up with Claire…sort of. She stole my IM and turned the PC against me, but we showed her. Big time. I sort of softened up, though, when we were forced to work together on the OCD Uniform Design contest due to the carelessness of my housekeeper, Inez…I never forgave Inez to this day.

_Excuse me? If it wasn't for her, we never would've been friends!!_

Exactly.

_Ehmagawd!!_

I'm just kidding, Claire. Chillax. Why are you here, anyway?

_I don't know. Thought'd be fun._

And…?

_It is._

Ugh…well, I sort of declared Claire in after we almost won the contest. Well, we would have, if Alicia and her new friend Olivia Ryan…

_Duh-livia._

…hadn't switched the ballad boxes. Once Alicia was Out, Claire was In.

_Score one for Claire!_

Yeah. Alicia was eventually declared back In, and Claire was allowed to stay In. Now we move onto my first love—

_Todd._

Eww, no! What makes you think _that_?!

_Well, you had your first kiss with Todd._

Correction: He kissed me! And it was mostly your fault.

_MY fault? How is it _my _fault?_

If it wasn't for you, Cam wouldn't have given you that CD and Todd wouldn't have had to kiss me to stall! Evidence, my drab friend.

_Don't call me drab!_

Too late.

_Ugh—that's it, I'm leaving!_

Awww. Yayyyyyy!

_silence_

Okay, I think she's gone. Now—Derrick. sighs Derrick Herrington was commonly known as Derrington, my first boyfriend. At first I liked Cam, but Kuh-laire went and stole him. Hooray. Well, Derrington and I hit it off, buuuut things happened, words were said, and he dumped me. Poo.

_I'd like to make it clear once and for all: I had a boy that Massie could never have. Score one for Claire!_

I thought you left!

_I bluffed._

Whatever! What's your point, Claire?!

_I don't know. I need to make your autobiography interesting._

It _is_ interesting! Why don't you go make your own autobiography?

_Hey, that's not such a bad idea. See you later, Mass! Remember—I know where you live._

Right back at'cha, Kuh-laire!

_And don't even _think _about commentating _mine_!_

I wasn't planning to.

_'Kay._

Until now. ;)

_Crap._

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Clique, or this fiveshot idea, for that matter. This idea was by HDRFan1, author of "The Autobiography of Derrick Harrington", a oneshot far funnier than mine. ¾ of the credit goes to her, and ¼ goes to me, since I wrote this Massie one. Next update: Claire! L8r, g8rs!**


	2. Claire E Lyons

**Woops! Okay, I said this was HDRFan1's idea instead of HPquenette's. I got mixed up because both pennames have an H followed by a consonant in it. Sorry, HP!**

**Also, it has come to my attention in a review from someone named BlackRoseWriting that Massie is a Leo and is not born in February. I only chose February because on this Colorology website, purple is February's color, and Massie's colorology color is purple proof from her blog at so I just made the connection. However, BlackRoseWriting, I didn't think it was necessary to add that I am a "goddamn bitch" and "Don't keep writing". Just saying. ;)**

The Autobiography of Claire Lyons

_with commentary by Massie Block (haha! Revenge!)_

Three, two, one…

Heyyyyyyy…

Showtime. Okay—Hi, I'm Claire Elaine Lyons, daughter of Judy and Jed Lyons, older sister of Todd Lyons.

_Hi, I'm Kuh-laire Eee-layne Ly-uhns, offspring of the cliché Judy and Jed Ly-uhns, and no thanks to Gawd, the older sister of the ah-nnoyingly ah-dork-able Tawd Ly-uhns._

Massie! Come on, I said I was sorry for commentating your autobiography! Cut me some slack?

_Mass! Come awn, I totally did nawt mean that fake apology for ruining your bio, and I totally don't expect you to cut me some slack._

Please?

_Puh-lease?_

Pretty please?

_Pretty puh-lease?_

I guess I'm not getting out of this one…

_I am so nawt getting out of this one._

I was born September 2nd, 1995, in Orlando, Florida. I don't really remember the name of the hospital.

_I cursed the world with my birth awn sometime in September in 1995 in the disgusting land of Ewlando, Florida. I will pretend to forget the name of the hospital, but I think it was called Weenie Hut General._

Weenie Hut General?! Come on, Massie, that's from _Sponge Bob Square Pants_.

_Aha! So you do watch it! I knew it._

I do not watch it! Todd does and talks about it all. The. Time. But—wait, how did you know about Weenie Hut General on _Sponge bob_? How else would you know other than watching it?

_I watch it! Todd tells me nawt to talk about it all the time, especially in front of his friends, 'cause it embarrasses him. I will now try to outsmart Massie by asking a trick question. Answer: She does nawt watch that disgusting cartoon. Some LBR sent her a clip of the scene._

Who?

_Uh…Hadley Jones?_

We don't have a Hadley Jones at BOCD.

_She's a high-schooler. One of Skye's wannabe friends that thinks I'm 'so cute'._

Sure. Anyways, let's talk about my name: Claire Elaine Lyons. The Claire part comes from my grandmother, Claris Lyons. The Elaine part comes from my great-aunt, Elena. The last name Lyons comes from a long line of Lyons, right down to the first inhabitants of England. Our motto is: We're Lyons, and what do Lyons do? Roar.

_My name, Kuh-laire Eee-layne Ly-uhns, comes from a lot of places. My grandma is named Claris, poor soul, and my old crone for a great-aunt's named Elena. We're a really old family, all the way from England. Our stupid catch-phrase: We're Ly-uhns and what do Ly-uhns do? Lie._

Oh my god! That is not true, Massie! We roar. Like this: RAAAAWWWRRR!! See? Try it.

_Ehmagawd! How could I even think that that is nawt the stupidest motto ever? We lie. Like this: KEDS ROCK!! See? Try it._

Massie…

_Kuh-laire…_

Seriously, if you don't stop now, I won't hook you up with the Jonas Brothers.

_Since when have you been planning to hook me up with the JoBros.?_

Since…two seconds ago. Buuuut I can make it happen.

_How?_

I'm "Kuh-laire Ly-uhns", star of _Dial L for Loser_! I can make anything happen.

_Nawt true! I'm Massie Block, star of the world, and I can make anything and more happen._

Okay—back to my life!

_Okay—back to my suh-noozer!_

I had a very happy life in Orlando. I had two best friends, Sarah and Mandy. We were the happiest girls alive—

_Even if you were boy-free?_

Until seventh grade, when mom and dad announced the Big Move. Due to job circumstances, Dad was transferred to some place in New York called West Chester.

_Westchester, a.k.a my kingdom, thank you very much!!_

My life was made hell by yours truly, Massie Block. That is, until I pried the HART, Cam Fisher, out of her manicured hands.

_Come awn, don't bring him into this!_

Too late. You claw my back, I claw yours.

_You claw my back, I claw yours? That's…ehmagawd, that's actually a good comeback!_

Thank you, thank you.

_You learned from the best._

I know I did, and—

_Ha! You just admitted that I am the best—you hypocrite, lol!_

I did not!

_Did too._

Did not.

_Did too._

Did not.

_Did too times infinity cubed! Haha, you can't beat that._

Did not times infinity cubed _times_ cubed. Ha.

_Ugh!!_

Haha. Anyways, once me and Cam were a happy couple, things started to change. Massie hated me more than ever, but then her housekeeper made a horrible, horrible mistake that resulted in us having to _work together_. It was terrifying.

_Hey—_

Deal with it, Mass. So, once we had almost won the OCD Uniform Design Contest, Massie decided that I was In.

_Big mistake._

Shut up.

_No._

Grr…anyway, when Massie kicked Alicia out for conspiring with Olivia Ryan—

Duh_-livia._

I was officially In the Pretty Committee. Now, back to Cam. He always wore leather jackets and Drakkar Noir, and he had these cute odd eyes! (sighs) He was so adorable. Until I misunderstood some unhealthy TV watching for him cheating on me with some camp tramp named Nikki Dalton and re-gifting me gifts from her.

_Claire confronted him and he dumped her. Now me and Cam are really into it! Mmhmm, like last night…_

What?!

_Nuh-thing._

…Folks, this concludes the autobiography of Claire Elaine Lyons. Please tune in next time for Alicia's autobiography! But—who will commentate hers? Gasp! This has been yours truly, signing out.

_This ends the boo-ring bio of Kuh-laire Eee-layne Ly-uhns. Puh-lease come back when Alicia gives her bio. Ehmagawd, who's gonna commentate it? Nawt me! This has been Massie Block, (exit stage left)._

Massie…we don't _have _a stage.

**A/N: Next time on APC (autobiographies of the pretty committee): Alicia's bio, with commentary by…who?!**

**DISCLAIMER: As you all know, I do nawt own Clique or this idea. Clique belongs to Lisi Harrison, and ¾ of this idea belongs to HPquenette because she wrote the first one, and ¼ goes to me because I wrote what you just read.**


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